"he loves you" they all shout in my ear.
But I know, I know.
I know I know I know.
And I love him too.
I just can't believe it. I cannot believe that he loves me as much as he does. It's amazing to think that someone who I see as so wonderful, charming, and amazing, can see the same in me.
I love him, and I just know that when we all return to school,
everyone in that god forsaken room will point and laugh.
Still, I love him, and I love not caring.
My dad called me..
we got into a long conversation about just why exactly I am in Red Deer. I am such a horrible person. I put my parents, two people who love me more than anyone in the entire world put together, through shit every single day.
I want to stop.
I don't want to be a spoiled brat anymore.
I want to do things for other people, I want to be nice, I want to be considerate. I want to be that person that everyone goes to when they are feeling upset. I want to be ther person that listens and helps people. I want to change.
Sometimes I wonder how I've made it this far.
How I managed to get a great guy,
and great friends.
The way I act everyone should have already rejected me,
but somehow I squeezed thorugh the cracks.
I am determined to get in shape
To become a whole different me.
To become happy
but sometimes I feel like you don't want to talk to me.
You're always at work,
and when you're not at work you're practicing/making your guitar/playing zelda..
and when you're not doing that you're too tired to talk.
But it's okay,
it just sucks.
I wait all day for your call,
and then you call me to tell me you're too tired to talk.
I think I expect too much.
but he said that you were pretty..
and I really wish I could be more like you.
When josh was here I didn't post anything..
so I guess I will just sum up what happened to make up for it.
I am in love with the most amazing boy ever.
For 5 days and 5 nights he held me.
We were never apart,
moments in the bathroom being the exception.
I feel so much closer to him,
I feel so much more in love with him.
I didn't think it was possible!
I've never felt so comfortable with someone.
I've never trusted someone as much as I trust him.
I am so goshdarn in love.
Being a teenager, I tell ya.
I always get myself into shit like this..
I'll see you in 5 hours...
man.. I miss him.
I'm so stoked for tomorrow night.
Get ready for the biggest hug you've ever experienced in your life.
I'm going to be an auntie!
I have to get another job so I will have SO MUCH MONEY to spoil him/her.
I posted a socialmoth quote thing..
and it said 'I hate Jessica Fremont'
I was being all down on myself,
and I don't know why I posted it..
but I did.
And then it got all of these replies..
and everyone was like OMG HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT blah blah blah..
and.. I feel really bad for starting shit like that..
I REALLY didn't mean for it to be a cry for attention..
and I really didn't think anyone would even look at it twice..
I don't know..
I just posted it without thinking.
But I can't really keep secrets,
so I said that it was me.
And I'm just afraid now that everyone who was backing me up,
will hate me.
Like this person
'that honestly just made me lose any respect i may have had for you. you must be completely delusional if you thought it wouldn't get any response. what are all those people who were defending you supposed to say to you now?'