I can't even look at you,
I can't even THINK about you without wanting to throw up.

Everytime I think about you, I think about what he told me..
and it hurts so bad,
and I think about it,
and I get a gross feeling,
and I feel dirty,
and I have to wash my hands,
and I can never talk to you again..

even though I promised that I would.
  • Current Mood
    uncomfortable uncomfortable

Warped Tour..

was so dope.
I got dirty, dusty, muddy, sweaty and wet.
The music was loud, sometimes bad, and the crowds were harsh.
The sun was hot, the shade was limited and the pavement melted my shoes.
I got heat stroke and threw up.
It was awesome.

Never judge a person on what you hear..
because they just might be a really cool person.

I wish you cared as much as I did though..
  • Current Mood
    hot sun burnt


Oh man,
so stoked.
Josh and I are going to go to warped,
and we are going to go see YAAW
and Joel will be so stoked,
then he will come to the house and play some old Egad Star stuff,
just like he used to.

And I will get horrifically sunburnt,
and we will get band t-shirts and cds and countless stickers and buttons.
  • Current Mood
    excited stoked

my life is one-way.

I'm realizing more and more that my life is so completely centred around one thing.
Even before Josh and I were dating,
it was centred around love.

I wish that I got more love in my childhood,
I wish that I wasn't so screwed up now..
I wish that I didn't have to spend every second of the rest of my life, looking for love.
Because, what do I do now that I've found it?
  • Current Mood
    blank blank

honesty box.

I don't really know what to feel.
I mean, I feel really, really happy.
Happier than I have felt in a very long time...
it's just, some things are dragging me down,
tugging at my mind.

I really hate how jealous I can get.
How self-centered and histrionic.
How everyone has to pay attention to me before anyone else..
More importantly,
how I feel so alone but I KNOW that there are people there.
Well, at least I think they are..

I really don't know what is wrong with me.
Anytime I bring up the fact that I feel like I have no friends,
everyone always says, "But I'm your friend, aren't I?"
Well, frankly, no.
My definition of a friend is someone who makes you feel good,
someone who will make time for you,
do nice things for you,
make you smile.
Someone who you can tell anything to.
Someone who will not judge you,
and when your feeling down, they will just hug you and make it all go away.
I don't really have that.
I have people that I can hang out with sometimes,
sometimes they ask me, other times I ask them..

I guess what I am trying to say is that I really miss the days when the 5 of us were inseperable..
and I am really wishing that I could repair the damage while it was possible..
but now... I think I just might be too late.

Josh, you're my best friend.
  • Current Mood
    lonely lonely


I have to go shower,
then I have to go to the mall,
then Elliot's surprise party!

And I will get to see Josh too!

Today will be a good day,
today will be a good day.
  • Current Mood
    optimistic optimistic

musical theatre

dear Jason Hong,

You ruined musical theatre for me.
I thought that it was the greatest experience of my life,
I thought that the cast was like a giant family..

Well, consider yourself the retarded little cousin that picks his nose.

I really don't like you.
I really like that I don't like you,
because you are a really horrible person.

So, thanks for giving me a reason not to audition.
Thank you for changing my entire life,
thanks for making me so goddamn depressed,
because it all just gives me, and a lot of other people,
a reason to hate you.
  • Current Mood
    enraged enraged